01The First Confrontation

It was an ordinary morning: the repeated ring of the alarm, the sound of cars in the street, and the coffee I gulped down before rushing to work. Everything was familiar, but inside something was different, a heaviness that had gripped me for days without explanation.

Everything was going relatively well: my job was stable and my relationships fairly solid. Yet something pressed on my chest and made me lose control of my emotions at unexpected moments.

That day I had an important meeting with my team. I walked into the meeting room trying to hide the tension building inside me and opened my laptop to review the documents. As the presentations followed one another, I could not focus; my thoughts raced like waves crashing into each other.

Then what I had always feared happened: a colleague began criticising a project I had worked on for weeks.

I tried to hold myself together, but something exploded inside me. The words left my mouth before I could think. I raised my voice and got into a heated argument that surprised me more than anyone.

When the meeting ended and everyone left, I stayed alone in the room as regret seeped into me. How had I let myself behave like that? Why could I not control my emotions? I knew in that moment that something had to change. But what? And how?

I left the office early and went home; I needed to think. On the way, anger, sadness and a sense of failure mixed inside me. I sat in my room, my only refuge from the world, but this time comfort did not come as it used to; the inner storms were growing stronger.

I opened my computer and started searching for answers: how do I deal with these feelings? How do I understand myself better?

After hours of reading I found myself in front of a concept I had never heard of: emotional intelligence. It spoke of understanding and managing emotions, of handling pressure and interacting effectively with others; it was exactly what I needed.

Then I discovered the techniques of cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) and dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), which seemed like keys to doors I did not know existed within me.

I began recognising the negative thoughts I had allowed to control me, and how I could replace them with more realistic and positive ones.

I decided to start a new journey towards a deeper understanding of myself, a journey in which I would not merely control my emotions but understand them and direct them in my favour.

I knew it would not be easy, but I was ready for the challenge. That night, for the first time in a long while, I felt calm seep into me. It was not complete calm, but it was a beginning: the start of a new understanding, and of a journey towards balance.