03Confronting Negative Thoughts

Weeks passed since I began my journey with emotional intelligence, and things improved gradually; I had more control over my emotions and tools to regulate my reactions.

Still, the journey was not easy, and new challenges appeared that I had not noticed before. Some days I woke with unexplained anxiety.

Thoughts crept into my mind the moment I opened my eyes, doubts that made me question myself, my abilities, even whether I deserved success. At first I ignored them, then realised they were the main cause behind my negative feelings.

After intensive reading I discovered cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), which gave me a framework for understanding how my thoughts directly affect my feelings and behaviour, and how negative thoughts, if left unchecked, turn into a spiral that is hard to escape.

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Change · the thought · Thoughts · Feelings · Behaviour · Figure 4

One night I sat with a pen and paper and wrote down every negative thought in my head: “I am not good enough,” “I will certainly fail,” “People don’t take me seriously.” Looking at the page, I realised these thoughts had always been with me, but this time I decided to confront them.

Challenge One: Cognitive Restructuring

One of the key methods of CBT is cognitive restructuring: challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with more realistic and positive ones. I took each thought I had written and analysed it as if in a trial, with my mind reviewing the evidence and weighing its truth.

I began with the first: “I am not good enough.”

Is that true? Is there real evidence for it? I remembered my past achievements and the times I had overcome hard challenges, and asked myself, “If I weren’t good, how did I achieve all this?” I realised the thought was built on momentary feelings, not facts.

Then the second: “I will certainly fail.” I feared failure in every project I started, but I realised failure is not the end of the world and that I had learned from every failure I had been through, so I wrote beside it: “Failure is part of learning.”

In this way I turned every negative thought into a chance to challenge myself and improve how I think. It was not easy; the thoughts tried to return again and again, but I was ready for them every time.

Challenge Two: Gradual Exposure

I learned another technique called gradual exposure: facing my fears step by step until I master them instead of running away. I had a constant fear of presenting in front of colleagues; I was tense before every meeting and afraid of criticism or of making a mistake in front of everyone.

So I started by speaking in front of a small group I felt comfortable with. The tension remained, but I noticed it was not as bad as I had imagined and the feedback was positive.

My fear had been built on unrealistic expectations. After several successful attempts I challenged myself in front of a larger audience, and whenever fear came I remembered the rule: one small step forward, face the fear, and acknowledge the feeling without fleeing from it.

Challenge Three: Facing Self-Doubt

The greatest challenge was self-doubt, the inner voice questioning every step, the hidden enemy pushing me back whenever I was about to move forward. I learned that self-doubt is not absolute truth but a voice trying to protect me from failure.

So I decided to treat it as part of me, but not necessarily right.

Whenever it appeared I paused and asked, “Is this true? Or am I just afraid of leaving my comfort zone?” Over time I felt a new strength, and began to see doubt as an invitation to grow rather than to retreat.

Improvement was neither easy nor fast, but I felt I was moving in the right direction. Every negative thought I challenged and every fear I faced brought me another step closer to the balance I had long been seeking.