6Aisha and Omar

Aisha and Omar had been married for five years. Both had demanding jobs, so they rarely found real time together. Lately Aisha felt Omar had become more absorbed in his work than usual, even on days off.

So she decided to talk to him about her feelings and needs using a seven-step approach:

“I completely understand the pressure at work, but right now I’d like us to talk about our plan.”

Describe. After dinner she said, “Omar, I’ve noticed you’ve been working late on recent days off, even at home.”

Express. She began her sentences with “I”: “I understand your project is important, but I feel distant when we don’t spend our usual time together.”

Ask. Then she said tenderly, “Could we set aside some time just for us this weekend? A short trip, or a walk in the park?”

Reinforce. “I think it would do us both good: a break from work for you, and a chance for us to strengthen our relationship.”

Stay focused. When Omar tried to explain the pressures of his project, she said calmly, “I completely understand the pressure at work, but right now I’d like us to talk about our plan.”

Stay steady. Throughout the conversation her voice was calm, her eyes on his, her posture relaxed, expressing her care and her confidence in their relationship.

Negotiate. Omar thought, then said, “How about this? I finish work by Saturday noon, and we spend the rest of the weekend together. And we try the new restaurant downtown?” Aisha smiled: “Wonderful idea. I appreciate you thinking about this.”

So Aisha expressed her need without the conversation turning into an argument. Both felt heard and valued, and their relationship grew stronger.