4Dealing with Intense Emotions

In the following months, Fawzooz became more aware of his thoughts and better able to challenge the negative ones holding him back. But despite this progress, there were moments when strong emotions such as anger or deep sadness took over, making him feel as though all his progress was vanishing. He knew CBT helped him with his thoughts, but what about the deep emotions that suddenly flared and drove him to act in ways he regretted? One night, after a long and exhausting day, Fawzooz had an unjustified fit of anger. He felt everything was collapsing around him for no clear reason, and he was powerless to control his feelings.

That was the moment he realised he needed another tool for dealing with intense emotions. In his search he discovered dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), which focuses on regulating and accepting emotions rather than simply trying to control them. It seemed different from everything he had learned so far. While CBT was about changing thoughts, DBT was about accepting emotions and finding healthy ways to deal with them.

“Emotions, however strong, pass if we treat them gently.”

Mindfulness: accepting the present moment

The first lesson Fawzooz learned from DBT was mindfulness. It was new to him: being present in the moment and accepting his feelings without judging them or trying to change them straight away. He learned that resisting or ignoring emotions makes them stronger, while accepting them is the first step to managing them. In the following days, he began practising mindfulness. He started each morning with a short session, sitting quietly and focusing on his breath. When thoughts or feelings appeared, he let himself accept them without resistance. He realised that emotions, however strong, pass with time if they are treated gently.

Emotional regulation: handling big emotions

But acceptance alone wasn’t enough. Fawzooz needed techniques to regulate his emotions when they became overwhelming. He learned from DBT that there are specific skills to calm big emotions before they take over, called “emotional regulation”. One day he found himself in a tough situation at work. He had to give an important presentation, and his anxiety grew as the moment approached. His heart raced and negative thoughts began creeping in. But this time he decided to use DBT. He took a deep breath and applied a simple technique he had learned: deep breathing.

He focused on his breathing, inhaling deeply through his nose and exhaling slowly through his mouth. After several breaths, he felt his tension gradually ease. The feelings didn’t disappear completely, but they no longer controlled him. He regained his calm and finished his presentation with confidence.

Crisis skills: the strongest tool

In life there are moments of real crisis, whether at work, in relationships or in personal life. For Fawzooz, one such crisis came when he received unexpected news from a family member. It was a shocking moment; he found himself breaking down emotionally, unable to think clearly. This was the real test of the DBT techniques he had learned. From DBT he knew a set of techniques called “crisis survival skills”, designed for situations that exceed a person’s capacity to cope. In that moment, Fawzooz decided to take a step back.

He remembered a technique called “temporary distraction”. Instead of diving straight into his feelings, he did a simple activity to distract himself for a short while: he went for a walk outside, focusing on the sound of his footsteps and the wind. The idea was to give himself room to breathe before returning to face the crisis. When he came back, he felt steadier. The problem wasn’t fully solved, but the technique helped him regain control of his emotions and handle the situation more rationally.

Effective communication: building healthy relationships

One of the key skills Fawzooz learned from DBT was effective communication. He knew one cause of his constant tension was his inability to express his feelings clearly to others. Whether at work or in his personal life, he tended to bottle up his feelings until they exploded later. He began applying a new skill: emotional validation. Instead of exploding at others when he felt angry or frustrated, he learned to express his feelings calmly and directly. In one situation with a close friend, who had been doing something that bothered him for a long time, Fawzooz decided to try this skill.

The next time he felt frustrated, instead of staying silent or reacting sharply, he sat with his friend and said, “I want to tell you that I feel frustrated when this happens. I value our friendship, but I need us to talk about it.” This conversation was completely different from the way he had handled things in the past. Instead of conflict, he found his friend ready to listen and understand.

Over time, DBT became an integral part of Fawzooz’s life. He used mindfulness and emotional regulation regularly, at work and at home. Big emotions didn’t disappear, but they no longer swept him away as they used to. He became more aware, calmer, and better able to face life’s challenges in a balanced way.

Fawzooz hadn’t reached perfection, but he knew he was on the right path. The journey was full of learning, and it filled him with hope too.