2Mindfulness

The storm. “Your mind is like a rough sea. Mindfulness is the anchor you drop to hold still, not to stop the storm, but to find peace in the middle of it.” Fawzooz was impressed by the TIPP skill. It didn’t make the sadness disappear, but it worked like an emergency brake on the speeding train of his emotions. It gave him enough room to breathe. The next day he felt calm, but also strangely disconnected. His Ferrari mind, no longer spinning in crisis, was simply… noisy.

He was trying to read a work report, but his mind was everywhere else. Did I remember to order tomorrow’s breakfast? I really should call Mum. I wonder what the weather’s like in Oman. That actor in last night’s film looked familiar. I need new socks. He read the same paragraph four times without taking in a word. He felt a familiar frustration, but this time it was different: not the sharp sting of self-criticism, but a weary resignation. “NourFi,” he wrote. “I survived the tidal wave yesterday, which is great. But today I’m just lost in a fog. My mind is a million miles away. I can’t focus on anything. I’m not sad or angry, just… scattered. It’s impossible to get anything done.”

“You are simply a silent witness to your thoughts.”

NourFi: “I completely understand, Fawzooz. What you’re experiencing is the natural state of an untrained mind, especially a powerful one like yours. TIPP is for emergencies, for the tidal wave. But for everyday ups and downs and fog, we need a different skill. We need to learn how to drop anchor and simply be where we are. This is the art of mindfulness.”

NourFi’s Coaching Corner

Dropping your anchor. Mindfulness is one of the most misunderstood ideas in mental wellbeing. People think it means emptying your mind, sitting in meditation for hours, or reaching a state of permanent bliss. It is none of these things. Mindfulness is simply the practice of paying attention, in the present moment, on purpose, without judgement. That’s all. It’s exercise for your attention muscle. For the ADHD brain this muscle is often weak. Your attention jumps from thought to thought, from past to future, like a restless monkey. Mindfulness is how we train that monkey to sit still, even for a few seconds at a time.

In DBT we divide this into two sets of simple skills: the “what” skills (what you do) and the “how” skills (how you do it). The “what” skills (the actions):

Observe. Simply notice your experience without

words. Notice the feeling of your feet on the floor, the sound of the air conditioning, the sensation of your breath going in and out. You are just a silent witness.

Describe. Put words to what you notice. Use

only factual, non-judgemental language. “There’s a tight feeling in my chest.” “A thought about my mother just appeared.” “I hear a car.”

Participate. Throw yourself fully into the present moment. If

you’re washing dishes, feel the warm water on your hands, watch the soap bubbles, hear the clink of the plates. You become one with the activity. The “how” skills (the attitude):

Non-judgementally. This is the

hardest part. You notice your thoughts and feelings without labelling them “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong”. A thought is just a thought. A feeling is just a feeling. You let them come and go like clouds in the sky.

One-mindfully. You do one thing at

a time. When you drink your coffee, you just drink your coffee. You don’t also check your email and plan your day. This is the ultimate “one window rule” for your life.

Effectively. You do what works, not what you think

is “fair” or “right”. You let go of needing to be right and focus on what will help you reach your goals. You don’t need to master all these skills at once. We’ll start with the simplest, most powerful practice of all. Your second DBT task: the 3-minute anchor. Over the next 24 hours, I want you to practise “dropping anchor” just once or twice. It isn’t about stopping your thoughts, but noticing them without being swept away.

1. Set a timer for 3 minutes. Find a comfortable place to sit.

2. Minute one: notice your breath. Close your eyes and direct all

your attention to the physical sensation of breathing. Feel the air entering your nostrils, filling your lungs, then leaving your body. Don’t try to change it. Just notice it. When your mind wanders (and it will!), gently and without judgement bring it back to your breath.

3. Minute two: notice your body. Widen your awareness to include your whole

body. Do a quick body scan. Notice your feet on the floor, your back against the chair, any areas of tension or ease. Just notice.

4. Minute three: notice your surroundings. Gently open your eyes and listen.

What five things can you hear right now? The hum of a fan, a distant siren, your breathing. What three things can you see? The texture of the wall, the colour of your desk, the light from the window. That’s all. Three minutes. This exercise trains your “attention muscle” to stay in the present. It’s an anchor you can drop whenever you feel your mind drifting out to sea. Try it once today and tell me what you notice.